weB LOG: greg matusic

Dubya and I have been enjoying a couple of television shows featuring a fella who has got to be the meanest chef in the world. Ok, there are probably a whole bunch of chefs walking/waddling the Earth who are technically meaner, but this is the only one they put on my television on a regular basis, so I’ll have to go with him for the meanest. Gordon Ramsay is the guy, and he’s on Fox’s “Hell’s Kitchen” and the BBC’s “Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares”. He seems nice when he’s joking around to the audience while on camera, but once he decides someone needs a good poke in the eye, he really lets them have it. His use of adjectives and adverbs is astounding, and he’s certainly giving the network sensor buzzer guy a good sense of job security.

Hell’s Kitchen is one of those reality-type shows where contestants subject themselves to somewhat difficult and usually embarrassing tasks in order to win the grand prize - in this case it’s a job as the head chef at a soon-to-be-opened multi-million dollar restaurant in Las Vegas. Sounds pretty cool, right? Expert chefs vieing for their dream job? After spending a few weeks’ worth of episodes watching these clowns, I don’t think I would call to make reservations any time soon. They’re all supposed to have cooking experience, and I suppose they do, but holding titles such as “salad chef” and “deli chef” does not make one a potential “top chef” (ironically, that’s the title of a fantastic reality show which aired on Bravo and recently ended a month or so ago). I could see if they were receiving instructions on how to improve their games and become head chef quality folks, but Ramsay instead chooses to berate and mentally abuse these “donkeys” as he likes to call them. But I’m glad he treats the contestants like like, or else it wouldn’t be 5% as entertaining as it is. Good luck to the remaining cooks. They’ll need every ounce, pint, box, bag and can of it.

In Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, our hero, Gordon Ramsay, is invited to eating establishments around the UK who are in dire need of help. A lot of these places are past their prime (some may not have even had primes), and are looking for Ramsay to infuse new ideas, menus, techniques, decor, etc. in order to get their restaurants back to where they once were 9or would like to be). I think that many of the chefs he encounters would make great contestants on Hell’s Kitchen. It seems that most run-down UK kitchens feel it’s okay to purchase pre-made entree items that just need a quick swim in some hot grease before they’re plated on top of a leaf of wilted lettuce before being sent to the dining room. So Ramsay does his usual routine of yelling, pointing and screaming before the chef, his staff and the owners all admit that they’re wrong, Ramsay’s right, and they’ll ammend their ways. Oh, and Ramsay uses a lot of unsavory language on this show as well, but the BBC (BBC America over here) allows groovy words to sneak through like “shite” and “ass” and I think he said ‘dick” once. It really raises the entertainment value quite a bit. The last 10 minutes of the show are cool, because after Ramsay leaves the restaurant to let them do their new thing, he returns a few months later to see what’s up. I think only a couple of places continued to cook and serve “The Ramsay Way”, while most places chose to revert back to droopy fried foods, and other crap (another of ramsay’s favorite words) methods of cooking and serving meals. These episodes usually end with Ramsay shaking his head at what he’s seeing, probably thinking, “Bunch of wankers!” or something British like that.

Hells Kitchen is on FOX on Tuesday nights at 8 or 9. Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is on BBC America at all sorts of weird times. As they say - check your local listings.

-G