weB LOG: greg matusic

So Dubya and I headed WNW to the Turning Stone Casino in Verona, NY to for a little dinner, some video poker, and to see the comedic stylings of Kathy Griffin. We only accomplished one of these things, as we ended up eating a BIG dinner at the buffet, and we did absolutely zero gambling. We tried to gamble, but they make it really difficult for common folks to understand how to even begin the process. We walked into the casino area through a non-smoking area, which was 5 feet from a smoking area. That made a lot of sense. It’s quite apparent that the cigarette smoke was unwilling to abide by the posted signs and arrogantly drifted throughout the non-smoking areas. What nerve! So we asked three casino employees huddled around a small yet tall table if they could give us change and/or tokens. We were told that we had to go to a casino banker located there, there, there, or there, and he pointed in all sorts of directions that only winged creatures would have acccess to. He also mentioned that we needed to get a card to gamble - like a credit card/gift card kind of swipey thing. Oh, and all three were dressed like the Wicked Witch’s castle guards from the Wizard of Oz, minus the high poofy hats. So we started walking around with little aim before we found a banker, but it was the kind of banker who could only add money to an existing gambling card. The banker desk next to that one, the one with the long-ass line, was the one we needed in order to get a gambling card, which you have to register for. It really didn’t seem like these people wanted our money. Trust me, buddy. I’m qualified to gamble. I’m over 18, and I have money. Please… let me give it to you. So we decided to skip the registration and its queer system of checks and balances and head to the show. We had great seats - orchestra section, about 10 feet from the stage. We were at the stage end of a long table, so we had a great view and plenty of leg and elbow room. And then HE entered the room… The largest man I’ve ever seen in person. He was a Discovery Channel show in the making. 500 pounds, easily. He had two large baked hams for breasts. He was, he was… he was coming toward our table. Sure enough, he slowly lowered himself directly across the table from Dubya - her low yet audible chants of “Don’t sit near us. Don’t sit near us. Don’t sit near us,” having gone unheard by the usher gods. He had a small posse with him, one of whom was his girlfriend or wife. And upon sitting down with a huff and a puff, he declared to her that the most important thing at that moment was that they get some sodas. I could think of dozens of other more important things he should be worrying about, but I decided not to share them with him. He ordered three (3) Sprites in case you were wondering. So the show started, and Kathy Griffin let us know that we were all going to rock Verona tonight, and then she called us all motherfuckers - so the show was off to an exciting start. She touched on all of the current Hollywood events and gossip - Mel Gibson, Star Jones, Larry King, the American Idol clowns, etc, and we were really enjoying ourselves. Then I noticed the 500 pound guy (let’s call him “Tiny”) slapping his wife/girlfriend on the back, and then aggressively rubbing her shoulders. I was amazed that she had any skin remaining affter being man-handled like that. Tiny was REALLY working it. And then he would add a few slaps with his catcher’s mitt hands. Powerful slaps that could put out small forrest fires. So all of that was really difficult to ignore. And then he started to laugh. It was a really odd - a deep, yet high-pitched giggle type of laugh. And it wasn’t really the laugh itself, but it was the timing of the laugh. Kathy would say something like, ‘So I was on the Today show a few weeks ago…” and Tiny would laugh. What the hell are you laughing at Tiny? Maybe he just thought of something funny that happened earlier in the day - like when he was showering and suddenly the washcloth went mising. I guess a whole lot of funny things happened to him earlier that day, because Kathy’s performance was filled with stange, untimely deep/high giggle laughs from the orchestra section. Oh, and he did a lot of moving and twisting around, which caused the table to do a lot of moving and twisting around. A few glasses tipped over at one point from Tiny’s jiggling, but they were empty, so no harm, no foul. Soon the show was over and that was that. Dinner wasn’t too bad. Gambling didn’t take place. Kathy was really entertaining. And then there was Tiny… I always figure that an adventure is a good adventure if it results in a few memorable tales. And Turning Stone was a pretty good adventure.

Peace up - Albany down!

-G